Childhood Dreams & Fears

For the most part, I had a carefree childhood. I was the youngest of three, and the only girl in our family. I was outgoing and courageous, a leader in elementary school, albeit not always a good influence on my fellow classmates. Between morning school bus drop off and the starting bell, I once led a band of first graders in exploring an abandoned house off campus in the woods behind the playground. Broken windows, an open door, and a seven-year old's over-active imagination was just too strong a temptation. Later, a visit to our classroom, and a stern interrogation by our principal, Mr. Bess, scared me straight. Can seven-year-olds really be arrested for breaking and entering?

I think my mother and father stunted my adventurous spirit. I discerned early on that they did not agree in parenting me. On more than one occasion, I definitely took advantage of this fact. Oddly, Daddy wanted to curb my tree-climbing pursuits while Mama said, "Okay, but don't tell your Daddy." Who do you think was the first person I had to run and tell about my climb? My Daddy. So, I wasn't the sharpest pencil in the box when I was five. I didn't heed Daddy's warnings. For years my inner arms bore scars from a slide down the trunk of the mimosa tree in our Plymouth Avenue backyard. Battle scars, yeah. But, it was so worth it!

Daddy was an excellent swimmer. Before he kicked the habit, he could smoke unfiltered Camels while floating on his back. I had heard and internalized the story of how Daddy learned to swim. His uncle threw him in the river..water over his head. You got it. Sink (and drown) or learn to swim.

My courageous spirit was tested. I didn't trust my Daddy to not try the "sink or swim" method with me. As he carried me out to deeper water, I saw my non-swimming Mama's worried expression, wringing her hands while firmly planted on shore. Daddy's verbal assurances would not overcome the transferred fear.

Sadly, I never overcame my fear of water. There were childhood nightmares of tidal waves, and collapsing bridges. But, a fall off a raft as a teen, then floundering after being overtaken by a wave, solidified the fear. It took a patient friend who gained my trust to finally teach me to float. I was twenty-four years old. I finally learned to swim a little, but still won't go in water over my head. Trust is such a fragile thing. Once broken, it is difficult to regain.

One thing I learned in childhood, you don't always get what you want. But when you daydream, save, and wait for something, it means so much more. I wish more parents applied this principal. Instead, many children experience nothing but overindulgence and instant gratification.

My brothers both had bikes. I did not. Somehow I got my hands on a brochure for Schwinn bicycles. It's pages became worn from me gazing at all the beautiful bikes with headlights, baskets with flowers on the handlebars, and streamers hanging from the handgrips. Some even had carriers on the back for toting books, or your best friend.  I fixated on a bike, having given up on getting  a pony and cart like my neighbor friend, Lou Miller. And Daddy said I couldn't have a rabbit unless we got rid of our dogs and cats. Like that was ever going to happen.

Well, I never got that Schwinn bike; but I did get a pretty blue one from Sears and Roebuck when I was ten or eleven.  My poor brother had to ride that girls' bike from downtown Charlotte to our house about two miles away. I think that was only fair since I fell into the rose bushes learning to ride on his boys' bike. Ouch! Hmmm..I wonder why Daddy didn't just put my bike in the trunk of the car?

You know, some of my childhood dreams might have been fulfilled had I asked for them. But, we didn't have a lot of money; and even as a child, I realized that. I believe I am a better person today because I learned over the years to hold relationships tightly, but possessions loosely. Overcoming childhood (and adult) fears...well that is a bit more difficult.

Copyright 2018
Laney's Musings